Church rebukes Eric Omondi for taking joke too far.

Comedy is fast rising in Kenya and consequently, comedians are getting a harder time coming up with fresh jokes.

It is no wonder Erick Omondi recently got heavy criticism for overstepping what according to many are his boundaries.

During a recent comedy show that was also televised, Eric made a comic strip where he was in Kisumu and aping Jesus, he pretended to turn stones into bread. He then asked his ‘disciples’ to bring fish, which he then proceeded to multiply as well.

But Nairobi Pentecostal Church where he is a member did not buy the joke.

Members felt he was taking a joke too far and they summoned and warned him about it. We can only wait and see what his next jokes will be about.

PHOTO of Amani Pantless on Stage

Talk of Amani going ballistic and declaring wealth literally, then the latest photos of her pant less on stage are anything to wonder.
All we can do now is to sit back and help wonder if this is a new trendy way for musician who are eager to remain relevant in the music industry.

NASA Finds Message From God on Mars

NASA announced today that its Curiosity Rover has found an unambiguous message from God written on tablets in a Martian cave.

According to an official press release two giant stone slabs the size of small elephants were located deep inside a cavern abutting Aeolis Mons, a large mountain.

Upon one tablet is a copy of the Ten Commandments and the text of John 3:16 written in 12 languages - including English, Spanish, Chinese, Basque and Hebrew. On the other tablet is a simple message in English reading "I am real."

According to top scientists who have studied the discovery extensively, these findings may have definitively established Christianity as the one true religion.

"This is amazing," says Syms Covington, an Australian researcher working for NASA's Mars Exploration Program. "We went into the cave looking for water, and we found proof of God's existence instead.

"I mean how else did those tablets get there? I can tell you one thing: there's not a single atheist inside NASA's control room now. What we saw was jaw-dropping."

Genesis 1:1

NASA's Curiosity rover arrived on Mars in August of last year with a mission to explore the Martian climate and geology for signs for habitability.

Thus far the mission has been a success, with the discovery of an ancient seabed and chemicals needed for life suggesting that Mars was once suitable for life.

However the tablets, both of which are signed "Peace and Love - Yahweh," represent the rover's most significant find to date, and is perhaps the most important scientific event in history.

"When people find out about this, they will demand change in our society," explains a political scientist at Georgetown University. "Democracy will have to give way to theocracy. We're gonna have to build more churches and reintroduce prayer into schools. Abortion is defiantly going to be illegal within a few months."

Despite its potential significance, Covington fears that the Earth-shattering discovery may not make the impact it should.

"Unfortunately, the mainstream media is so anti-Christian, they might not even pick up this story," he explains. "But God is real. We have proof. And everyone deserves to hear the truth."

Chinedu - President Uhuru Deported Me For Supporting Raila.. They Also Want My Sh 400 Million Wealth

Chinedu - President Uhuru Deported Me For Supporting Raila.. They Also Want My Sh 400 Million Wealth



In a recent interview with Nigeria's The Sun newspaper, Chinedu, the Nigerian at the centre of a diplomatic stand off between Kenya and Nigeria tried to explain why Kenya want him gone so bad. He read mischief in the manner in which he was deported, claiming that Kenyan police planted drugs in his house.
He also said that Nigerians are being targeted by the government because they were seen to be Pro-Raila in the last general elections.
The other reason he gives for his deportation is his Sh 400 million property, which he claims some influential people want to acquire.

Kenyan officials who had accompanied Chinedu to Nigeria are currently detained in Lagos, and Chinedu says only a full refund of his wealth will release them.
Here's how the newspaper interview went.

Why were you deported from Kenya? 
The issue about my wrongful deportation started some years ago when I had a misunderstanding with my ex-wife and later separated. It was over infidelity on the part of my wife. She was having extra-marital affair with a popular Kenyan politician at my back. And when I found out, I divorced her, after which she connived with the man and started fighting over my property that is worth over $5 million. So, in 2008, they wanted to deport me through illegal means, but the Nigerian Ambassador to Kenya at that time, Ambassador Nwigwe, intervened and stopped them. 

He countered whatever gimmick they introduced to deport me. Since then, they have been putting me and many other Nigerians through series of traumatic experiences. It has really been hellish for Nigerians in that country since the current Kenyan President came to power. They even accused us of supporting ODM Lila (Raila) Odinga. But that is very untrue, because we never participated in Kenyan politics directly or indirectly. We did not sponsor any candidate. We only engaged in genuine business, investing in their economy and even providing jobs for their citizens.

How did they carry out the operation?

They burst into my house, armed to the teeth and said they were policemen. They numbered about 25 fierce-looking men. That is how they usually harass Nigerians. They would ransack your house without your supervision and by the time they leave your house every valuable is gone. They picked me up early morning on Sunday, May 26, 2013, as I set out for the gym, and that was the last time I saw my family. They detained me till Monday when they finally deported me via a chattered flight. They seized my three iphones, those of my wife and my friends that were in my house. They then took us to an isolated place and kept me incommunicado without food, bathing water and ventilation. I saw hell, my brother. In fact, they treated me like an animal, just as they also did to other Nigerians, and made it difficult for the Nigerian Embassy officials to know where we were. 

They would not contact the Nigerian Embassy before bundling her citizens into the plane back to Nigeria. I think it is disappointing the way these African countries insult our great country. But I commend the decision of the Nigerian authority to ground that controversial chattered aircraft. That plane would be enough to pay for my property. I can even forget about pressing for other damages because I don’t even want to go back to that country. A sensible people should be wooing honest and successful legitimate investors into their country, but the Kenyans are chasing away those helping in developing their country. All I want is my money. And like I said, the grounded plane can pay my money. I therefore, use this medium to ask the Nigerian government to investigate and confirm that I have been doing legitimate business in Kenya over the years and that I am worth the property I am claiming. I need our government’s assistance just as all Nigerians resident in Kenya at this moment. The Nigerian High Commission in that country does not know the details of what is happening because of the way they carry out the operation.

How did your deportation relate to the misunderstanding between your wife and you?
Like I said earlier, she was involved in a secret relationship with that politician, who was using government machineries to intimidate, deport me and take over my property and other investments. That was why they chattered a flight of not less than N15 million to deport an individual.

How many other Nigerians have been deported apart from you?
Over 20 Nigerians have been deported, and as I am talking to you, more are still awaiting deportation in their detention camps. These are people that own huge properties and strong asset base running into millions of dollars in that country. And the plan of the Kenyan elite is to take over everything. You can verify all I am telling you. One Peter Atuenyi, who was deported alongside five others yesterday (June 6), is worth millions of dollars in Kenya. These are people that started from the scratch and God blessed our efforts. Peter is well-known both in Nigeria and Kenya yet, like me, they bundled him out of that country like a terrorist.

What charge were pressed against you people?
Usually, they would brand you a drug trafficker. That is their major weapon because, once an individual is branded a drug peddler, some people would easily write the person off without even giving him a chance to explain or defend himself. But drug dealers are not even deported; they are tried in that country and jailed. And I have it on good authority that unless you can prove that somebody is a security threat to your country, you don’t deport people carelessly like that.

Is it true that Kenyan women married to Nigerians in that country usually hatch such deportation plots in order to corner their husband’s property?
That their women find your property attractive should not warrant them to brand you a drug dealer. No. It is an insult for a country like Kenya to start attacking citizens of a big brother country like Nigeria in that manner. Both the Nigerian government and people must rise to defend our citizens.

You said you witnessed those deported on Thursday?
I was there at the Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Ikeja, yesterday to receive another batch of 10 Nigerians who did not commit any crime in that country. And the impounded jet, which they chattered to deport me, was still there. I didn’t need anybody to bring me home with a private jet because my property there can chatter over 20 private jets to convey our people with their families home. I have five kids there who are all Kenyan citizens. And apart from that, by virtue of my living in that country legitimately for almost 20 years and contributing immensely to her economy, I am qualified to be treated as a bona fide Kenyan citizen.

Are you saying that your case is traceable to your estranged wife’s connivance with the Kenyan ex-politician?
Yes. Her name is Joyce Akini-Ochen. We got married in 1999, but it was in 2007 that I found out she had been having affair with the ex-politician for long, with the sole purpose of moving me out of Kenya and taking over my property. She was actually banking on the politician’s political influence to achieve her aim. She already had two children for me before I found out and divorced her. She has been living with the politician since we separated and already has a kid for him, yet she wouldn’t let me be because of what she is targeting.

Is it true that your case is still in court before you were deported?
That is true because, when I realized their target was to take over my property and force me back to Nigeria by any means, I went to court to obtain an injunction to stop them. So, when they saw that it would be difficult for them to sell any of my property there, they now came up with the idea of bundling me back home so that my case could be thrown out. That is why I still maintain that the issue of my deportation is about my property and nothing more. As we speak, the Attorney-General of Kenya has declared my deportation illegal, the country’s foreign affairs minister has also disowned the inhuman operation and washed her hands off the entire issue. Also, one of the biggest lawyer and a former Prosecutor-General in Kenya has declared my deportation illegal and unconstitutional, just as the Law Society of Kenya has condemned my deportation. 

I am well-known in Kenya as somebody doing legitimate business. He advised that even if there was need for my deportation, it should be after my all pending civil cases I had filed were properly dispensed with. So, what it means is that man and my ex-wife connived with Kenyan security men to deport me. If they could fund a chattered flight, with eight security details to bring me back to Nigeria, you can imagine what they are targeting to gain from my deportation. Half of my property in Kenya can chatter over 20 aircraft to bring all Nigerians back home from that country.
Assuming the Nigerian government intervenes and everything is settled, would you want to continue living in that country to do your business?

No, I’m no longer interested. Once I get back my property, I would invest my resources in Nigeria. Nigeria is a lovely country. We only travel out in search of business. Do you know that a car of two million Shillings there, which is about N4 million in Nigeria, is not worth up to N2 million if purchased here? Life is difficult there, yet they do not appreciate our investments and contributions to their economy. We are doing them a lot of favour because many Nigerians are marrying their women, while I have never seen any Nigerian woman married to a Kenyan. Without Nigeria’s patronage, Kenyan Airways would fold up. I am supposed to have automatically become a Kenyan citizen by the number of years I have lived there, by age, marriage, children, business, etc. But they hate Nigerians so much. I also have a strategically located 40 suites four-star hotel there. Do you know how many Kenyans who depend on that hotel for daily living?

Is it true they found drugs in your house?
Oh, you heard about it? The drug was part of their grand plan to nail me. The drug was planted by the Kenyan security men in connivance with the politician. That was about a month ago when they started the plot to deport me. But unfortunately for them, I saw them dropping it and I raised the alarm. I insisted that my fingerprints and those of all present be taken for forensic analysis to determine who dropped the drug among all of us. They later removed it and never charged me to court over the drug. Even in the present case, there is nothing about drug mentioned.

Apart from your hotel, what other business are you into in Kenya?
I am into real estate in Kenya. That is what gave me money. Everybody knows that I started from the scratch. I would buy a land, spread it and take my 20 per cent or 30 per cent, as the case may be. From there I would source money and develop the facility and sell to people. I made my money through real estate business, not drug. I never had anything to do with drug peddling in my life. All I have there I got through hard work. That is why I am begging the Nigerian government to help, because if the government releases that impounded aircraft and the Kenyan’s grab my property, I would be doomed and become a street boy after many years of hard work and suffering.

Credit - Sunnewsonline.com - See more at: http://www.nairobiwire.com/2013/06/chinedu-president-uhuru-deported-me-for.html#sthash.SVnZXRNg.dpuf

Kenyan plane detained in Nigeria after deporting ‘drug baron’ Chinedu

The once untouchable West African drug lords in Nairobi have gone underground as they plot to fight robust government efforts to cripple them. The barons, who have for years been said to pay protection money to security agencies and politicians, have been rattled by the deportation of some of their alleged counterparts.

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President Uhuru Kenyatta has in recent weeks declared war on drug kingpins, leading to the deportation of at least 20 foreigners, most prominently controversial Nigerian AnthonyChinedu, who has lived in Kenya for at least 18 years.

The man usually described as a ‘businessman’, who has constantly made headlines in his property and child custody tussles with estranged Kenyan wife Joyce Akinyi, has been vocal on Nigerian media after his deportation.

“They burst into my house, armed to the teeth and said they were policemen. They numbered about 25 fierce-looking men. That is how they usually harass Nigerians. They would ransack your house without your supervision and by the time they leave your house every valuable is gone. They picked me up early morning on Sunday, May 26, 2013, as I set out for the gym, and that was the last time I saw my family. They detained me till Monday when they finally deported me via a chattered flight,” said Chinedu, who in 2007 fought off attempts to deport him.

He claimed he was detained in an isolated place without food, bathing water and ventilation.

“I saw hell, my brother. In fact, they treated me like an animal,” Chinedu is quoted to have said, further alleging that his deportation was instigated by his ex-wife and a politician who was after his property.

When contacted by The Nairobian, Akinyi denied she had anything to do with Chinedu’s woes.

“I don’t want to talk about such things. My focus is on raising my children,” she said.

Chinedu is currently facing drug related charges at a city court. His battle for the ownership of Nairobi’s Deep West Resort has also been the subject of a court battle.

Foreign Affairs and police sources indicate that a list of the next batch of undesirable foreigners is now ready. But even before this is done, a diplomatic war between Nigeria and Kenya is simmering after the West African giant detained the chartered plane used to deport Chinedu and others at the Murtala Muhammad Airport in Lagos. Kenya police, state officials and the crew that accompanied the deportees were also still stuck in Nigeria by the time of going to press.

Chinedu has demanded that the plane be sold to pay for his loss of property in Kenya. The Nigerian government is also reportedly unhappy that its High Commission in Nairobi was not informed of the deportations.

Shut up and Forever Hold Your Peace, Mr. Chief Justice Dr. Willy Mutunga! Okoiti tells the CJ

OKOITI: Shut up and Forever Hold Your Peace, Mr. Chief Justice Dr. Willy Mutunga!

By Okoiti Okiya Omtatah

The Chief Justice Dr. Willy Mutunga should shut the hell up! When my Petition No. 311 of 2012, which challenged the corruption in the IEBC process of procuring a BVR solution for Kenya, was being frustrated in the High Court, I wrote to him mid last year but he took no action. To date he has not replied to my letter which I hand delivered to his office.

What his court has written here, on page 85-86 of their ruling, is bullshit. What does the Supreme Court mean by:
“It is, indeed, likely that the acquisition process was marked by competing interests involving impropriety or even criminality: and we recommend that this matter be entrusted to the relevant State agency, for further investigation and possible prosecution of suspects.”

Why didn’t the Chief Justice act when he had the chance to do so?

Bure Kabisa Chief Justice

Woman’s Vagina Disappears After Sleeping With Married Man..

Woman’s Vagina Disappears After Sleeping With Married Man..

 

ZIMBABWE – A 29-year-old Bulawayo woman from Matshobana suburb got the shock of her life when she woke up in the morning and realised that her private parts were missing, it is alleged.

Chipo Sibanda reportedly learnt the hard way in the early hours of 29 April when she visited the toilet but could not urinate upon discovering that her vagina had mysteriously sealed.


The woman is said to have nearly collapsed when she noticed that her ‘most sweetness spot’ had mysteriously sealed. However, a ZImbabwean online publication says it has learnt that Chipo was in the habit of sleeping with married men – a claim which was confirmed by the alleged hubby-snatcher. It is reported that Chipo approached one of the women whose husband had allegedly ‘strayed’ to Chipo’s ‘honey jar’.


A source who stays in Bulawayo’s Matshobana suburb where there incident reportedly took place, said a woman popularly known as Mai Tawanda had previously warned Chipo to stay away from her husband. The source said after the spine-chilling incident, the ‘vaginaless’ 
woman approached Mai Tawanda and begged for forgiveness.


“She didn’t have a choice in this case but to approach Mai Tawanda and apologise. No one remains calm upon realising that her sexual organ is missing. If she had not approached Mai Tawanda we could be talking about something else,” said a source close to Chipo.


It is reported that Mai Tawanda first thrashed Chipo but much to the surprise of everyone, the bashed woman did not cry. The alleged husband-snatcher was saved by Mai Tawanda’s sister who had been summoned to hear the confession.


“She was set free 3 hours after the beating. She made a promise to Mai Tawanda that she would never see her husband or even come near him. That is when she was told to go to the toilet and check if her organ was back,” she said.


After several attempts to get hold of Chipo, our news crew eventually managed to hook up with the woman who openly revealed that she had learnt a big lesson.



“I am sorry to all women I have wronged. It wasn’t my intention to break their marriages. It (the disappearance of her organ) was so scary and the thought that I couldn’t piss was frightening. I could feel that my bladder was full but I couldn’t do anything,” she said.


Efforts to get a comment from the much dreaded Mai Tawanda proved futile by the time of going to press.
via gossip world.